Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels (1999)

Remember when you were a boy sitting in front of the TV? You know, that time when you were all alone, and found that scrambled channel. You know the one I’m talking about. Like a rescue dog searching in a hopeless blizzard, you glued your eyes to the TV set hoping to get a glimpse of a boobie. Well look no further because Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels is full of them. And I mean FULL OF THEM! You won't even care about that after 10 minutes.  Think Toxic Avenger without costumes and bad acting.

What's that? Toxic Avenger is full of bad acting? You'll change your mind after seeing this turd. It is like they just pulled people off the street ask asked, "Hey, you want to be in a movie? I’ll give you a Taco Bell coupon."

Here's the plot in a nutshell: Sharon (Jill Miller), a lingerie shop owner, must stop Yvonne Wayne (Gwen Somers), the owner of the new hair-removal waxing salon, from turning her whole town into hairless (sexually-uninhibited) zombies. That’s about it. I could go on further but why bother.

Okay, well I guess I will tell you what you’re getting yourself into. That is, if you’re still thinking you might waist an hour and a half of your life. Totally pointless constant nudity, Check! Really stupid sound effects, Check! Super lame jokes, Check, Check, and Check! The “zombies” are not even made up. In the big motorcycle chase scene, it is so poorly shot, that the tires are not even moving on the bike. I am not even sure what director Michael Roush was going for. Is this a horror spoof or soft porn? What I do know is Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels is a total waist of time.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I know about now you are thinking, “Dude! How did you not figure this out from the title? It’s called Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels for God’s sake."

Well basically, friends, I guess I'm as dumb as this movie. I am embarrassed to even say I made it thought the whole thing.